The Great Indian Honking Issue sign now

Honking in India is a great Indian tradition. A thousand poems and 4 books have been written on this wonderful act of human insanity which everyone dutifully performs day after day, year after year. Its estimated that half the country will go deaf by 2044 with incessant honking, but the Government of India is at a loss to come up with a strategy protecting its citizens and at the same time making sure that we dont let go of this wonderful art form. This petition gives 2 options as suggestions and invites all readers to fill in a questionnaire. When the Government wakes up in 5 years time, we will forward them this petition to get a head start.

Option 1 is similar in nature to the KERS systems used in Formula 1 where energy spent in breaking is saved and re-used with a cap on how much energy you can use per lap. My proposal is to have a cap on how many times you can honk in a vehicles life time (say 600 times). Once you run out of honks and start getting depressed, the only way out would be to buy honk-recharge packs coming at very expensive prices monitored by the Government of India. All this is possible, of course with a standard ECU fitted with every vehicle coming out in Indian market, designed to monitor the number of honks.

Option 2 is easier to implement. The idea is borrowed from the Ludovico technique. In this less controversial option, every vehicle's horn is wired back to the break and accelerator pedals or parts. Every time you honk, the driver is subjected to small electric shocks varying between 10V and 230V, with the ECU deciding a random number between these ranges. The idea is to have a driver sitting and driving in terror having no idea on how much voltage he is going to get the next time.

Go ahead and fill in details about your honking life and make India a great place to honk. In the mean time, keep honking.

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Deloris ProctorBy:
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Government of India

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