Regulate Dihydrogen Oxide sign now

I'd like to bring your attention to a chemical compound that kills thousands of people every year. Dihydrogen oxide is a clear, transparent liquid that you absorb into your body every day. You inhale it every second of the day. However, while it may be harmless to some people, it is dangerous to many. 30,000 people worldwide die every year because of over consumption of this liquid. Just 6 inches of it is enough to kill you when unconscious. Dihydrogen oxide is found in the cancerous tumors that have killed millions.

It isn't just humans who are destroyed by this destructive compound. Whole banks are eroded every year by dihydrogen oxide, resulting in the destruction of countless habitats. Metals are rusted, electrical devices are ruined and, worse still, dihydrogen oxide is a greenhouse gas that is creating global warming. Dihydrogen oxide has been known to destroy whole cities- most recently New Orleans.

Dihydrogen oxide is everywhere from streams to bathtubs. It's impossible to avoid it, but its damage can be controlled. Unfortunately, since the free market is allowed to determine production and consumption, people are able to abuse the compound. To solve this market failure, we call upon our elected representatives to take action. This involves...

- Nationalizing the production of dihydrogen oxide that is capable of being consumed. This involves the extraction of chloric acid and the subsequent removal of bacteria, algae, viruses and fungi. By nationalizing the industry, the American people can be assured that dihydrogen oxide is produced and priced at levels judged by your responsible elected officials. It will also take the profit out of this dangerous compound.

- A regulatory board that has the ability to set nation-wide regulations regarding the amount of dihydrogen oxide allowed for consumption at any given time. A fair level is 1 liter per day. To ensure that regulations are followed, a fine of $1,000 shall be assessed per excess liter consumed. Random urine samples will be collected by this agency to check consumption levels.

- No more than 5 inches of dihydrogen oxide will be permitted in one area. This includes both public and private property. All current concentrations shall be drained immediately. Concentrations will be allowed in areas deemed necessary for the production of safe dihydrogen oxide, however those areas will only be accessible to employees of the nationalized production company. In order to keep the American people safe, all trespassers into these areas will be shot in the leg.

- Special courts will be set up to deal with needs for the consumption of more than 1 liter of dihydrogen oxide per day.

Let's protect our livelihoods. Sign this petition and stop the needless deaths caused by dihydrogen oxide. Only our elected representatives can save us.

Dihydrogen Oxide is also known as H20 and water.

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Dora KellyBy:
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