Pumpkins for the People Petition sign now

As we peruse through the pumpkin season, particular note should be perpetuated towards the pre-festivities of the Pumpkins for the People political passage. The movement has been perpetuated predictably through the presence of a certain particular.

Every Halloween passive-aggressive anti-pinkos have let thousands of pounds of perfectly palatable pumpkin rot on their porches. Pumpkin is good food! Why we could placate the planet's pandering for a more perfect place with pumpkin alone! That's why we here at Pumpkins for the People have started a patented method for permitting pumpkin to be perceived in a new and more perfect way.

Instead of letting perfectly palatable pumpkin perish we show the power of pumpkin in all it's pious prestige. The party begins on Halloween when most people are performing rituals of pumpkin poaching by piercing their precious pumpkin with pointy pocketknives, we praise our pumpkins power by placing them in our pantries where they are not paraded until months later when at our New Year's parties they make their presence again, steaming on a plate with their pungent perfume.

You see, there is a plethora of potential for pumpkin because this perfect pabulum can be stored without refrigeration for, potentially, a period of months on end. If everyone partook of pumpkin we could pacify the world's hunger predicament. It's in these times we periodically need to be prompted about the poverty of the populace. Eating plain pumpkin at our normally prosperous parties points that others are pitifully poor.

So pass out pamphlets in the parks and protests to push in the proliferation of the Pumpkins for the People proposition. Plant a pumpkin for peace! All power to the Pumpkin!

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Bill VaughanBy:
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The President of the United States

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