Petition to End All Online Petitions sign now

We the people of the online internet community do hereby, with this petition, demand that the United States Congress pass an act to end all online petitions. They have become such a public nuisance that this great country simply CANNOT function with the foul specter of online petitions lingering over it.

Furthermore, anyone starting an online petition should be punished. Severely. With sharp, pointy objects or something. I dunno, this part of the petition is kind of open-ended.

And, to make this petition really comprehensive, there should be a tax on paper petitions. Or tougher regulations with them. By God, we will win the fight against grassroots activism yet!

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U.S. Congress

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