Hurt Ryan Markehim's Nuts sign now

We the Undersigned hereby petition for the kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects or otherwise maiming, injuring and/or disfiguring the goddamn nuts of one Ryan David Markheim, known asshole.



An argument can be made that the severly diminutive size of Mr. Markheim's nuts makes such an endeavor difficult, but with steady aim, and perhaps the assistance of holding Mr. Markheim stationary, we the Undersigned believe our goal can be achieved without undue effort.



This call to arms is the result of Mr. Markheim's thoughtless and unwarranted booking of neither aisle nor window seats for his elder brother's cross-country flight (in coach, no less), and heartlessly allowing middle row seats to be assigned to his loving brother. This act is seen as cruel and unusual punishment, and must be met swiftly with the aforementioned nut pummeling.



All manner of tools and techniques are encouraged to exact the damage upon Mr. Markheim's nuts, including but not limited to: waterboarding, tarring/feathering, repeated flicking, electrocution and/or exposure to extreme temperature, hot oil, venomous reptiles and/or gothic piercing.



Action must be taken to send a message that center row seats are not acceptable, and will be met with harsh consequences; namely, the permanent ruining of Mr. Markheim's raisin-like manhood. Fucker.

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Dorothy PenningtonBy:
Nature and EnvironmentIn:
Petition target:
Aisle-Seat Loving People Everywhere

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