Free Jeffrey Dahmer sign now

Jeffrey Dahmer was a great American artist. He was a humble man who was unfairly prosecuted for his loves of cannibalism, necrophilia and being different. The 17 men that he was accused of murdering were not by any means victims. They all asked for it and deserved it because they couldnt keep their mouths shut and tried to tell on Jeffrey. The gentlemen that kept quiet got to keep their lives. Jeffrey Dahmer was a hero, comparable to military boys who win a Purple Heart, and he deserves to be recognized as the genius he is for bringing his forbidden love of necrophilia into mainstream entertainment. My demands are quite simple:

1) I call for the United States courts to dismiss all of the false charges against Jeffrey Dahmer and declare him innocent on all counts, because the men whom he ate wanted to be eaten. There can legally be no crime without a victim and calling these men victims is a travesty of justice and a slap in the face to our legal system.

2) I insist that George Washingtons face is removed from the one dollar bill and replaced with Jeffrey Dahmers mugshot. I also insist the Jeffrey Dahmers beautiful face be carved into stone at Mount Rushmore.

3) I demand that the government must pay cash compensation to Jeffrey Dahmers estate to help rebuild his now tarnished reputation. What I would like is for Jeffrey Dahmers image in cartoon form to be put in a commercial to encourage young people to register to vote. I would be willing to settle for any tv commercial to make Mr. Dahmer to look like an American Patriot.

4) I demand that May 21 be declared a national holiday for Jeffrey Dahmers birthday. This means a free day off of school and a legally required paid day off of work.

5) Finally, I want Mr. Dahmers corpse exhumed and stuffed and put on display in the Washington D.C. Smithsonian Institution so that all children who visit the museum will know Jeffrey Dahmer was a hero.

If you agree to these simple terms, please sign this petition. If you love your freedom as an American, then you must agree to make Jeffrey Dahmer a hero, in the same respect as Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln or JFK. If you refuse to sign this petition then you are a terrorist.

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Magdalena RileyBy:
TelecommunicationsIn:
Petition target:
U.S. Congress

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