Fear the Grapple sign now

Re: amalgamation of two succulent fruits, apple and grape, into one bastardly fruit, grāpple





I hope you are well. I have been a constituent of yours since June 10th, 2005. Since that date, I have grow to hate Jackson, Mississippi and the surrounding areas more and more with each day that passes, but that may have more to do with my current situation than my locale. More to the point, I am concerned with a startling find at a local Wal-Mart recently, grāpples.





A grāpple is a food that, Looks like an apple. Tastes like a grape! As you can imagine, an apple connoisseur like me finds this an abomination. I think you said it best when you so elegantly proclaimed, When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems. Would Strom Thurmond approve of this interorder, interfamily, intergenus, interspecies fruit? There are pluots and apriums already on the market. Are strawmelons and mangolopes next?





I think the primary problem with grāpples is the message they send to our children. I do not think it is appropriate to change things that are perfect the way they are. Things should only be changed if they have proved themselves obsolete (i.e. the Electoral College, pagers, and the president). Also, grāpples are only Fiji apples soaked in artificial flavoring. If we teach our children everything can be fixed artificially, they will be running around with breast augmentations and stem cell repaired spinal cords. As Republicans, we cannot have that.





I hope that the US Government will do everything possible to promote the eradication of non-traditional fruits for our posterity and the well-being of our nation.





Thank you for your attention to my concerns. I look forward to hearing from you.

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