Dump The Douche!!!!!! sign now

Dear Fellow Diligent Employees,

You are witness to a RJTCF first, a first that should have never arrived to this point. This is a petition to FIRE DOUCHE. Why would grass-root activists demand such a character be terminated? Let's list out some reasons:

1. Being the odds-on favorite to win an intra-office bracket titled the "2006 Worthless Challenge" is not a sign of honor, productivity, or empowerment.

2. When you come to my cubical, I don't want to hear about your pool's water pump overheating, your wife's f'ed up hairdo, or how the cat makes the cutest noises when it's licking your third daughter's toe.

3. And when you do come to my cube, do not f'in stay in it longer than 5 minutes. You've already overstayed your welcome by about 4 minutes and 55 seconds, just get the f out already.

4. When they say e-mail is the wave of future business communications, it doesn't mean to write me a thesis paper on how you don't understand what a "comp call" is.

5. Carrying around a notepad with you to every meeting would be usually considered a smart move, but it is NOT suppose to be used to write down your grocery list for the week.

6. Asking me 10 questions on how to answer a subjective internal review question is not considered being prudent and thorough. It just means you are a complete and utter joke. Please see #3 and get the f out of my cube space too.

7. Trying to steal other people's credit. No one in their right mind thinks your monkey ass did that revision memo so stop trying to say you did moron.

8. Claiming to not have enough time to do a task, and then proceeding to walk 10 feet over to a random person's desk to talk about how big of a cyst you have on your ear seems kinda, I don't know, DOUCHEBAG-ISH. People would be glad to add a broken arm & leg in addition to that cyst so then you would have other inane things to chat about.

9. It does not take 5 weeks to do a god damn PAA. Well for most upright, walking humans it doesn't I suppose.

10. Seriously, just get off your ass and something on your own! Please utilize the other tenth of the brain you must have turned off sometime in your prepubescent years.


For the future and the sanity of this department, my fellow peers & cohorts sign this petition. This simple measure starts with you, let's get this done!

END THIS ABONIMATION NOW

Thanks,




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Adrienne PenaBy:
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