Drew Houser for new Pope sign now

This petition is to elect Drew Houser the new Pope of the Church of Rome.

In doing so, the signatures on this petition will override the decisions of the high cardinals, thus allowing the people to elect the new pope themselves. And the future pope in question is Drew Houser.

Furthermore, upon election of Drew Houser to the position of pope, the rules and laws of the religion of Catholocism shall be changed, thusly:

1. Celebacy is no longer required of anyone for any reason, especially for the pope. The Church will issue statements appologising for two thousand years of sexual oppression.

2. Jesus Christ will now be refered to as "the Late J.C." Likewise, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit will now be refered to as "Daddy, Junior and the Spook."

3. Communion wafers will be replaced with sweettarts. Crappy tasting communion wine will be replaced with wine chosen specifically from the worlds best vinyards. Mixed drinks available upon request.

4. Congregation members must have professional music experience to participate in the church choir. Congregations without enough members who qualify must hire a professional DJ. This will eliminate the "cat being thrown against a wall" sound of most regular church choirs.

5. Everyone will be required to wake up and realise that true Christianity is dead, and that it has been for many many years now.

More changes to the church will be made at the discretion of the new pope, Drew Houser, under the assumed name of Pope Aradiel I, assuming he is elected.

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Wilma HornBy:
TelecommunicationsIn:
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The Vatican

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