Charlie Johnson to Play General Xavier Zantos in No Rule to Make Target sign now

Hi there. Matt Evans here, explosive writer/director/actor and creator of the most eagerly anticipated movie of the decade: "No Rule to Make Target". You may be familiar with my exploits from my hugely successful website "Matt Evans' Xplosive True Life Xperiences" (http://mattsplosion.blogspot.com/)

No Rule to Make Target (known simply as No Rule to its ever-growing fan base) is a movie I devised during the 78th Annual Academy Awards ceremony. Myself and Michael Keaton had been caught up in an elaborate and deadly trap constructed by... well, I can't really say for legal reasons... But let's just say it wasn't looking good for us. Mickey turns to me and he says,

"This looks like curtains for us, old chum."

This is some crap Mickey pulls sometimes - you know, everyone respects him for his work on the Tim Burton Batman duology, but there were other Batmen. Mickey has trouble with that. He wants all the Batfame for himself. Anyway, I let it fly, since it looks like he's right and I don't wanna spend the last couple minutes of our lives arguing that Kilmer (though lacking in anything resembling charisma) had the best cape control of the troop.

"Yeah man. At least we tried to stop ***** from ***** **** ****."

He nods, slowly. I looked in his eyes and I saw something - something that would change the course of Hollywood history. He was down, yeah, cos he was gonna die... but there was something else - He was sad for THE WORLD. For the movie-going public. Over the years they've seen a lot of classic Keaton, but I saw regret in his eyes. He had more to give. The performance of Mickey Keaton's career had yet to be played out, but it seemed the world would never see it.

So I said to him,

"Mickey,"

I said,

"If we get out of this alive I'll write a picture for you. The best damned movie I've ever written - and that's saying something - I mean, you've read Shark Wars, right?"

"It was gold Matt. A crying shame the studios got scared off when you went on the run in Ecuador."

I nod. Tough times. Tough times for everyone... Looking down at the vat of acid we were slowly descending towards, an idea hit me like a sniper's bullet.

"No Rule to Make Target. That's the title Mickey."

He's about to cut in, but the ideas just start to flow:

"You play John Target. The best army sniper in the business. A good sniper and a damned fine man. But he crosses a line Mickey. A line most men fear to tread across - he disobeys a direct order to save... some orphans."

Mickey's already hooked. Looking down at the approaching acid, he figures we've got 20, 30 seconds tops - he wants to hear how the story plays out before we go to our acidy grave.

"What next Matty!?"

"His commanding officer, General... Xavier Zantos, frames Target. Frames him for murder. Snipe murder. The MPs turn up to take him away but Target escapes... into the jungle. Zantos sends his best snipers out after Target. In a poetic irony Target has himself become the target."

"But he's the best Matt! You said he was!"

"I did. And he is. He takes out each of the snipers - men he trained. Including his star pupil - the evil Lieutenant Kilshott. Then he returns to take out Zantos."

Fumes start rising from our platform as the acid corrodes its edges. We have only a few seconds left. Mickey has to know one thing before we go under.

"Matthew... Can I use my Beetlejuice voice for this role?"

I nod.

"I wouldn't have it any other Mickey. Not any other way."

Struggling against the cords binding us to the death-trap, we manage to shake and seal the deal.

Of course, neither of us died. How did we escape? Let's just say we got a little help from our friends - Jack Nicholson, his caddy Pablo, and Carlos Bernard (better known as 24's Tony Almeida).

So No Rule was born. Pretty soon I had the script hammered out. I was happy, so was Mickey. All we needed was an actor to play General Xavier Zantos. We went through A LOT of names, but no one fitted our vision of what Zantos should be. We were fast running out of ideas, and it looked like No Rule might never happen...

Then, I received an email. It was from a Nigerian banker called Charles Johnson (Charlie, Chuck or Chaz to his friends). Turns out some poor schmuck with the same last name as yours truly had his chips cashed in by Old Man River. Chuck had a plan to claim some of Alam Evans' green, and wanted my help - in return for helping him I'd get ALL the money we claimed. Sounds too good to be true? Well, it was! Too good that is. AND true!

So while we're banging out the details of all this, Charlie sends me a picture of himself. I guess he wanted me to know who I was dealing with - well what can I say? I was staring at a picture of General Xavier Zantos. Plain and simple.

I discussed it with Charlie. He seemed a little camera shy, but I figured I could bring him round if only I could get him to L.A. So I went and bought him a ticket to fly over. Mickey and I waited for him at the airport, but turns out Charlie never boarded the plane. Haven't heard from him since.

So here's the petition people. I need your help to convince Charlie we need him in No Rule...

Always on,
Matt Evans

---

DEAR CHARLIE JOHNSON,

WE, THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, WANT YOU TO PLAY GENERAL XAVIER ZANTOS ALONGSIDE MICHAEL KEATON'S JOHN TARGET IN MATT EVANS' EXPLOSIVE SNIPING THRILLER "NO RULE TO MAKE TARGET".

IN ADDITION, WE WOULD LIKE URBAN SENSATION EAMON TO COVER JOE ESPOSITO'S "YOU'RE THE BEST" FOR THE FILM'S SOUNDTRACK. OR JESSICA SIMPSON.

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Deidre MoodyBy:
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Charles Johnson

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