Bring Back The Bonkers! sign now

Dear Great Corporate Minds of Nabisco,

There is a five-year-old boy named Niphatwa in Malawi who is currently suffering from various lethal diseases, undoubtedly brought upon by the lack of available rice and beans in his nation. Doctors have tearfully informed Niphatwas family that he only has two weeks to live. However, recent developments in medicine have shed light on a new cure for Niphatwas cornucopia of diseases. This cure has been discovered to be none other than the long-discontinued Bonkers Fruit Chews. Remarkably, one Bonkers fruit chew can save this poor starving boys life. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that your company take the Bonkers candy line out of extinction and back into grocery stores and street corner shops where it truly belongs, so that Niphatwa can finally leave that shack of a hospital and be reunited with his family to lead a normal life

Ok, so were making that up. But wouldnt that have been amazingly inspirational if it were true?

We are not dying people. We are not on the brink of oblivion. We are just hungry average human beings, seeking to be fed the fruit of the gods. Artificially flavored, strawberry, orange, grape, and watermelon fruit, to be exact. Fantastic, sugary rectangles with a fruity outside and an even fruitier filling. Yes, these dual-colored, slightly ridged, perfectly textured beauties are the sole reason for our existence, the only candy worth eating.

You can tell us to try Starbursts and Mambas instead, but they are pathetic imitations. We scoff at their single-coloredness. Candies these days. Theyre just not the same anymore. We look back fondly on the days when a giant bunch of grapes would crush an entire ceiling, fall down, and knock people unconscious or into bouts of hysterical laughter. We just want to be Bonked Out again.

Forget world peace, a cure for cancer, and eternal life. All we want are some freakin Bonkers.

Oh, and by the way, it looks like there arent that many of us, but just think of us as a mere sample of a greater population of Bonkers fanatics, and multiply our number by one million. Thank you.

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Kaitlin JarvisBy:
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Petition target:
Nabisco

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