Bring Back Good Scotch Tape sign now

Dear frustrated people like me,

Id like you to tell you about the better days of our ex-best friend: scotch tape. When I was a young lad, I could place faith in my scotch tape. Its bonding powers were unrivaled; it was better than the best cow-hoof based product of the time. We would use the tape for everything, from art class to patching up after brain surgery. When you stuck it on something, it took effort to rip it off again. Scotch tape was a favorite device for putting in the other kids hair just to watch them run around screaming after they ripped it off. You could even use them to hold yourself down in a hurricane. One day at recess the winds pick up and we all run to the flagpole and little Jimmy takes the start of the roll and run around us. The floodwaters rise and the shorter ones drown, but the winds are no problem, except for little Jimmy, but he thinks fast and makes one little tape donut around his finger and grabs on to the nearest stable structure, which happened to be the fat lady who sat on her porch all day. The bright days of good tape are over. The new tape is thin but at the same time, hard to rip, like a good pair of pants, but thats not really a good comparison. You end up messing up half the roll because the tape wont stick to the cutting teeth; its like having no Fixodent. Scotch tape used to be flexible and very easy to roll, but now its stiff like the dog in the gutter. The ability to stick is also gone. There is so little adhesive material that you can see your fingerprint once youve touched it, virtually lifting every little last bit of stick it had left in it. I could see its use in running up to crime suspects and nabbing their prints, but that will probably just get theyes kicked out of you.
The tape companies have decided to cheat us of our beloved tape. They give you three plastic dispensers in a box. They have little tape on them, not even enough to tie a cinderblock to the corpse you just threw into the back of the Red Ryder. The people who made this tape have spent more money on the dispensers than the tape itself. In the old days, they were made of a cheap plastic and you could save some money and frustration and just buy plain rolls to put back on, even if half the time the plastic snapped and bit into your hands like a hobo into a subway passenger. So I urge the tape companies to bring back the good tape, the tape I could use to hold up more than my plans, like maybe a piece of paper.

In all sincerity, I wrote this because I was trying to hang a piece of paper with some tapeand it didnt even hold.

Please support my cause to bring back awesome tape,

Rob Statwick

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Roberta ForbesBy:
FoodIn:
Petition target:
3M, other tape companies

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