A conservatives response to Michael Moore sign now

Dearest Mike,

In response to your "Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives", let me start out by thanking you for your concern. We know how difficult it must have been for you to put down that triple meat bomb burger long enough to peck it out and we appreciate it.

I am not sure where you got the idea that conservatives are dismayed or disheartened though. Perhaps you might want to remove your head from George Soross ass....youll hear things much more clearly and we can only imagine how uncomfortable George must be by now; your call.

Far from despair, me and my friends are settling in for two years of excellent entertainmentthe excitement is palpable as we await the histrionics that you and your fellow patients will surely be regailing us with when you realize that a paper thin majority in the US Senate and Congress ensures nothing more than a better office.

You might have failed to notice (those Yager bombs'll kill ya), but conservative initiatives kicked ass in this election. People are sick of politicians promising a conservative agenda and failing to produce, but they clearly are not changing their values.

To a conservative, gridlock is almost better than a majority and we are in for a major demonstration of how nice "nothing doing" can be.

You see Mike, we havent given up on you. We care. We feel your pain. We wish you would start taking your meds again, but failing that we will do our best to keep you all from making any bigger fools of yourselves than you have in the past.

In any case, you kids won't be allowed to run amok.

For instance:
1. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" until after you have finished railing against America, its people, its institutions and traditions. In fact, we encourage you to keep your pie hole working overtimeever heard the one about handing out rope? Probably notnever mind.

2. We continue to heed the warnings your parents ignored. We cannot stop you from bedding down with whatever life form youve been quick enough to catch, but we will keep you from compounding your shame publicly. You can bang your sister, or your brother, or your dog spotbut you cannot walk down the aisle with any of the above.

In addition, we will continue to protest the left's penchant for infanticide. We will never believe that even a waste of flesh such as yourself should be made to pay for the sins of your mother and brother.

3. We will continue to point out what a colossal waste of resources it is to pour money into ill conceived public programs meant to do nothing more than keep your lefty ilk and their union monkeys in dope and beer.

4. We will not allow your pals in the legislature to make a bad situation worse by pulling out of Iraq before our job is complete. We are working on supplying every member of congress with a copy of Blackhawk Down! to remind them of the lessons that President Clinton learned the hard way.

5. When will safeguard Americas position as the go-to country for first class medical care by ensuring that our country never follows the socialist countries of Europe and Canada into rationed health care.

6. We will continue to use our national resources for the benefit of all citizens, not just a few tree-hugging misanthropes or Sierra Club elites.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will again provide the perpetrators with more proof of just how bad an idea that is. We will never capitulate and we will do our best to keep you from embarrassing us or yourselves while we and our children protect you and your cowardly, traitorous ilk.

Heck, we wont even let terrorists get away with attacking France, so in case you decide to move there (like 2008 for instance), you're covered pal.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom. In fact we really, really dont want to know what you do in therereally. So kindly return the favor by keeping it to yourselves.

9. We will ensure that unstable individuals (such as yourself) never get near firearmsours or their own.

10. We will continue to count on the work of the people, left and right (not yours, but people who actually do work) that keep this country #1 in the world in productivity, and in return we will all continue to enjoy a standard of living that is the envy of the world..hell, well all have a little party whatdya say?

11. We will continue to respect your right to reject religion in favor of crystal worship or whatever spins your beanies. But we suggest that you remember that freedom of religion is one of the founding ideals of this country..in other words, you dont have to agree with our faith, but for the love of God, please shut the fuck up..K?

12. We will continue not to tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by anyone. We realize that politicians on the left routinely refuse to take responsibility for their crimes until they are literally being dragged off to prison (and usually not even then), but we understand that it is hard for someone with a free-wheeling moral compass to realize that there is a right and a wrong.

We really don't care where the cash in the freezer came from, if it cannot be accounted for it's dirty. ll do our best to continue to remind you all of that.

I promise all of the above to you because we may not like it, but were stuck with you. We realize that the world isnt fair and we cannot always have things the way we want.

You talk about being in a funk. Mikey, you cannot imagine our dismay when it became obvious that none of your big mouthed, anti-American buddies really didn't have the balls to follow through with their childish little threats to leave the country in 04, but weve gotten over it.

But thats not to say that wed discourage any of you from hopping a flight to Canada

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Christie CherryBy:
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Michael Moore

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